


Demons of the Past

by CyberpunkThot



Series: No Future [2]
Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Bad coping mechanisms, Jackie is a good guy ok, M/M, OOC, PTSD, Slow Burn, The past haunts V, Things are going to get real bad before they get better, V abuses drugs, V also cries a lot and thats ok, V needs to talk about his problems, V slowly starts to get feelings for Jackie, but he doesnt, im making my own story until the game is released ok, maybe the beginning of a new relationship, past bad relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-03 14:35:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16327859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyberpunkThot/pseuds/CyberpunkThot
Summary: V starts a new life in Night City. However his past isn’t quite done with him yet and seeks revenge. V needs a good friend to help him through it, but V doesn’t know how to trust anyone enough for that. He will have to learn to trust that his new friend only wants to help him.(Some tags for later chapters + nothing is too graphic I just want to be safe with tagging)





	1. New Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is a direct sequel to ‘The making of V’ please read that first. 
> 
> This is going to get messy about half way through but I promise there will be a happy ending!
> 
> I will tag as best I can, if there is something you want me to tag please let me know so I can add it!

Night City was a busy place. As soon as V stepped off the bus he could tell it was worse than Sacramento, but Rocky wasn’t here. There was a lot happening when V made it to the city centre. Crowds gathered around street performers, drunken fights, rowdy patrons and corrupt police officers pushing through the throng of people. It wasn’t even midday and there was so much going on. It reminded V of the busy indoor markets, he liked it in a strange way.

V would make the most of this. He didn’t have a lot of eddies’s, Rocky limited his spending but he had been saving what he could. He found a cheap motel and paid for the night. He would worry about tomorrow when it arrived. 

The room smelt damp and the technology on offer was old, no wonder it was cheap. But the door locked and there was a bed. V was happy. He went into the small bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. His hair had gotten long, Rocky didn’t like it when he had it short. V’s face was gaunt, and his eyes were dark. He really should try and sleep better. Looking down at his torso, V could see the dark marks left by Rocky’s abuse. V could also see he had lost weight, not massively but enough to know that he wasn’t eating properly. 

This was all because of Rocky. V was sure of it. V was going to grow from this, he would recover and he would stay strong. He would make himself happy. The hard part was over right? Getting rid of the problem? It had to be a good place to start. V thought of what to do next, he wanted to change his appearance. After all, a new life would be the perfect excuse. 

Chucking on his jacket and grabbing the last of his money, V headed to the nearest store. He returned a short time later and ran back into the tiny bathroom, emptying his bags into the sink. “Ok V, time to get yourself together. Everything will be ok!” He rummaged around his supplies and pulled out a pair of scissors, first up was his hair, he always preferred it short, so he proceeded to cut it short. It wasn’t salon quality but it looked good. Satisfied with his work, he took the shampoo and soap he bought and took them into the shower.

Emerging from the steam feeling refreshed, V resumed his place back in front of the dirty mirror. The hot water had calmed him, gave him space to think. He had done the right thing. Rocky wouldn’t find him here. V looked at the other supplies he bought and held the box of hair dye in his hands. It was a bright purple dye, it would look cool, the girl in the store said it would. V wanted to believe her, but he wasn’t sure. Looking back at his reflection and debating if he should go through with it, he finally decided. Yes. Why shouldn’t he? It would be fun. He opened the packaging and got to work. 

Half an hour later, V couldn’t recognise the man in the reflection. He looked happy. V had forgotten what that felt like. But here he was now. His hair was short and a vibrant purple, it did look cool. In that moment, V realised that he could do things that he wanted to do and no one could stop him. It didn’t stop the invasive thoughts though, the thoughts that told him he wasn’t good enough, he wouldn’t achieve anything in life, he was just a hinderance to everyone. He needed to find a supplier, someone to give him the drugs to make the thoughts leave.

V went out that first night in Night City. He went to the first bar he found, it was lively and full of energy. V liked it. When V got to the bar to order though, he realised he didn’t have his money. But that didn’t seem to be a problem for long, a handsome stranger approached V. “I like your hair.” 

The small compliment made V blush, it had been a while since he’d received a compliment and he liked the attention the man was giving him. “Wanna buy me a drink?” V was feeling bold, he had a new life to start living. 

The stranger laughed, “sure, what you having?” 

“Surprise me!” V didn’t know what he liked, he had a lot of catching up to do. 

The night progressed from there. V drank with the man. V danced with him. V took him into the restrooms and V got fucked. It was refreshing. It was quick and full of lust. V had finished first, he hadn’t enjoyed sex in years but this was fun. The man left him in the stall, having gotten what he wanted. V didn’t mind though, he got what he wanted too. 

On his way home, V did stumble into a dealer, he had some good shit too. But of course, V didn’t have money. The dealer of course, suggested an alternative. It wouldn’t be the last time that V would suck dick for drugs.

The next few nights were the same for V, he would go out and get free drinks, then he would get fucked, he’d get his inhaler and he’d sleep in a dirty bed. He’d wake up alone each morning, and it started to get lonely. V was always the type who liked having people around. Even before Rocky, he had friends in the gang but now he had no one. 

V was a people person though, even if his time with Rocky had made him forget that. There was always someone at the bar or the markets who V would talk to, he would make acquaintances. He didn’t really consider anyone a friend yet though. But he was confident that he would make some soon. 

It was a few weeks into his new life when V had a realisation: he needed to stop sitting around feeling sorry for himself. He started taking on more and more small jobs, beating up cheating partners, getting people to pay up, kicking people out of places, that kind of thing. He took on a few jobs that turned hairy, it was a good thing he took Rocky’s pistol, it had saved his life more times than he could count. He enjoyed getting into fights, often starting them after a night spent drinking, but he enjoyed the adrenaline coursing through his veins. A chance to fight back and prove to himself he wasn’t some fragile man anymore. It wouldn’t be uncommon for him to be wearing some decorated band aid over his minor injuries, result of his adrenaline fuelled fights. 

He found killing easier now. There was guilt at the beginning but V realised that the world demanded it from him at times. If he could avoid killing he would. The only weapon he had was the pistol he took from Rocky. It wasn’t a bad pistol but it held bad memories for V. Despite this though V managed to use those memories to drive him, he would think of the person he was when he pointed the pistol at his ex lover. He would think of how far he had come since then. He had grown and he had improved his life.

V was gathering quite a small sum of money too. He bought his own place with his own money, it made him feel a small sense of achievement. So he would treat himself, he would eat better. V was starting to feel better too. He didn’t feel the need for that inhaler as much, he still took a puff every now and then, but it wasn’t everyday like he used to. V would also stop bringing strangers home every night. He thought maybe he was sleeping with so many people to get back at Rocky, but maybe he still had some self reflecting to do. He wasn’t going to let just anybody use his body, he was going to respect himself more. 

When V would spend nights out he would flirt with everyone to get things he wanted, a free drink, a free meal or even a free upgrade for his pistol. Not everyone was a fan of V’s technique though, they would want a piece of V’s ass. But when V refused, some people would take it outside, teaching V a lesson by giving him a fair amount of bruises and occasionally broken bones.

Upon realising that the thugs in Night City were quite tough, V thought it best to try and bulk up, he wanted to be able to defend himself. Plus he would be able to take on bigger and better paying jobs. He would be able to buy the cyberware he wanted. So V would go to a rundown gym, he would work on himself and he would go home feeling pleased with himself. 

Within a few more months, V was almost unrecognisable from the man who escaped Sacramento nearly nine months ago. He finally got his cyberware. He kept his hair short but wouldn’t always dye it, liking his natural deep brown. He stood taller, not slouched like he used to. He ate better and worked out often, his body was a reflection of this, hard muscle under smooth skin. V also started wearing what he wanted, usually some NiCola branded shirts and skin hugging pants. After all, V liked his body, why shouldn’t he show it off. Not to mention that he liked the compliments that strangers would give him. 

Rocky would be jealous. That was another thing, V didn’t think about Rocky much, but there were still times that he did. These times put V in a bad place, he’d drink more, puff drugs more, he’d bring more men home. However, he would work through it. He would overcome it because he was strong.

V had managed to get quite a steady supply of jobs from the locals but they weren’t paying enough. V wanted to move into one of those mega buildings, they were safer and cleaner (at least safer and cleaner than the apartment block he currently occupied) and V could see himself being happy there. The only problem is that they were more expensive than his crappy one room apartment. 

So V would hang around some of the rowdier bars where he knew some gangs would drink. One night he was in a bar called Afterlife, a bit out of his price range but if he could get a well paying job from it, it would be worth it. V paid for his drink and sat at the bar. He surveyed the room, looking for people with deep pockets. No one at the bar seemed to be the right person he was looking for but maybe someone on the booths would have a job for him. 

He turned down two guys who tried to buy him a drink, he was here for work, not for fun. V was observing a man attempting to hit on a wealthy woman, the man then backed away when the woman’s partner came over. The man walked back to a booth of men all wearing the same emblem on their jacket. V thought they’d probably be his best bet.

Waiting until a few of them dispersed, there was one man left sitting. He was taller than V, he could tell even though the man was sitting down. The man was burly too, with a strong jaw and large frame. V would admit that the he was handsome, but V has learnt not to mix work and play. The man also gave of an air of confidence. V had grown confident himself, slowly becoming the man he once was before it all went to shit. 

“You look like you could use a drink.” V sat down opposite the man, passing him an opened bottle of beer he had purchased before going over. 

“You just sit down at anyone’s table gancho?” The man replied with a heavy accent, leant forward and took the beer, taking a big swig. 

“Only when I’m in need of work.” It wasn’t V’s smoothest line but it got the point across. 

The man took pause, rubbing his chin in thought. V didn’t miss the way his eyes moved up and down his body. “Is that right.” He took another sip of beer, V was starting to think he’d made a mistake. He should probably start thinking of an escape plan. “Hmm, I got a job, but what makes you think you should be the one to do it?”

V was a little shocked, he wasn’t used to his plans actually working out. He wouldn’t need that escape plan. Recovering quickly though, V took a drink from his own beer. “Well, I can be discreet or send a message. Whatever it is I’m sure I’ll be the perfect choice.” V puffed his chest out and winked, proud of his response, even though it was a little vague. 

“Hah!” The man slammed his beer on the table, making V jump. “I like you ese,” he was pointing at V now. “You’ve got a fire in ya! I can tell. Ok.” He sat back, “we go on this job together, if you’re good, I’ll get you more work. If you’re bad or you push your luck, your time in Night City will be cut short.” He finished with another sip of beer.

V knew what the risks would be, but he needed this, needed to find purpose and this guy saw potential in him. “Yeah, sounds good...boss” V stuck his hand out, “you can call me V.”

The man looked at V’s extended hand skeptically, before taking it in one of his large ones. “Well V, I look forward to working with you!” He finished off his beer and stood up, turning around to face V again, “and cut that boss crap, call me Jackie.”


	2. Chapter 2

That first mission with Jackie would change V’s life for the better. They had to clear out a small gang hideout. Scavengers. V learnt that Jackie didn’t like the Scavs, he didn’t ask why but he could work it out to some extent. They would kidnap people to harvest their cyberware and sell it on the black market. It was quite a morbid affair. V was happy though, to go alongside Jackie and kill any Scavs that got in their way, V didn’t mourn monsters. 

It was a pretty routine job, in and out with hardly any problems. V had improved his shooting skills in the short time he’d spent in Night City, and he hoped Jackie would be impressed enough to keep giving him work. As it turned out, Jackie was impressed, it was refreshing to have someone who actually knew what they were doing for a change. 

“Not bad ese,” Jackie slapped a large hand down on V’s back, it made V feel a little proud. They finished the job and got paid. They spent the evening drinking their eddies in the Afterlife and V thought he could get used to this. Jackie was so enthusiastic when he told his stories, V thought that he embellished some of them, but he liked them. He liked Jackie.

The two had completed several more jobs together. To V’s surprise, Jackie had been giving him tips and tricks throughout their missions. He had learnt so much and he was thrilled when Jackie started letting him take the lead on some of the smaller jobs. They worked well together and V had to wonder if this is what a healthy friendship might be. 

After every successful job, Jackie would give V a pat on the back and hand over his share of the eddies. Jackie was generous with his compliments, congratulating V every time he did something deserving of one. A clean kill, a quick exit, smart thinking, a funny joke. V felt a bit awkward at first, usually people only complimented him when they wanted something, but not Jackie. Soon, V started to accept the compliments, they meant a lot to him when hey came from his new friend.

Although V wanted to really prove himself by taking some solo missions but Jackie wouldn’t let him, saying that Night City would chew him up and spit him out. Only truly crazy people or those with no value for life would go solo on such big jobs. V was frustrated but he understood. He didn’t want to die because he was being too hot headed. Jackie had shown him so much and even introduced him to a great ripperdoc. Plus on top of that, a few more jobs and V would be able to buy that spacious apartment he wanted. 

They would also spend a lot of time together outside of jobs. Drinking together and sharing stories. V would keep his stories vague, not wanting to think too much about his past. Jackie would sometimes try and push for more information but would stop when it was clear V wasn’t willing to share more. Maybe one day, but not now. V didn’t know if he would ever be ready to tell Jackie about Rocky. 

On some nights, V would start to feel lonely even when he was drinking with Jackie. He often wished he had someone to go home to but he knew no one would want him that way. So V would settle for what he could. V would try and get some action from other patrons at the bar, taking them to the restrooms for a quick fuck. It was enough for V. Sometimes Jackie would even walk in on him, turning around with a laugh and leaving him to it. V would return to the table and look sheepish, Jackie wouldn’t say anything, it wasn’t his place. This didn’t stop V from worrying about it, he didn’t want Jackie to think less of him. But Jackie was a good friend, he wouldn’t do anything to hurt V. 

The friendship between the two seemed real enough. Over the next year, the duo became almost inseparable. V treasured his friendship with the large mercenary, though he wouldn’t admit it to Jackie. What if Jackie found it weird? He wouldn’t understand. It didn’t change their working relationship though, still completing jobs with few troubles. V would try his best at all times, not wanting to make Jackie regret choosing him. V couldn’t help thinking he was a hinderance at times, maybe Jackie was too nice to just tell V to fuck off. Or Jackie took pity on V, keeping him around as an act of charity. But V would forget about these worries when he abused his inhaler, the full fog in his head made things easier.

However there was one job that would cause trouble. Jackie had received a shard from a stranger. There was vague details of a new gang hiding out in an old warehouse and the promise of a huge payout for their disposal. Jackie being the seasoned mercenary he was thought it sounded fishy, too much money for the job, people don’t pay more than they need to in this town. He would tell V that he shouldn’t accept every jobs, sometimes they were set ups or the client wouldn’t pay. 

This didn’t stop V though, he found the shard and reviewed the details. Determined to prove to Jackie that he wasn’t a hinderance he would take the job. Of course Jackie tried to stop him, warning him it would end badly. Reluctantly, V agreed, he didn’t want to push his luck. But he couldn’t help but think that this would be the perfect opportunity to prove himself, if not to Jackie at least to himself. He took the shard from Jackie’s pocket when they parted ways.

So, when night fell, V reviewed the shard once more and head out. He had the info, he had his pistol, and he had determination. Nothing could stop him. He had learnt a lot and this would prove to Jackie just how much useful he could be. 

The road to the warehouse was dark, not many lights this far into the industrial estate. V approached gun drawn and pressed himself close to the wall, scanning the area for any activity. Maybe there would be voices coming from inside, or a shadow would walk past the window, but nothing. It would be easier if V had a scanner but it was a bit out of his price range right now. Determining the coast was clear, V moved inside the building through a broken window. 

There was a few flood nights set up around a makeshift campfire with a few sleeping bags. No signs of the gang though. V crouched near the shoddy fire pit and touched the ashes, they were still warm so there might still be people nearby. Standing, V spotted an old office. He approached slowly, stopping just in front of the door. Jackie always said that the element of surprise was the best weapon they had, so he listened close trying to hear for sounds of life. Not hearing anything, V slowly opened the door, not wanting to draw attention. 

Empty. 

V thought he saw a stairwell near where he came in so he headed there. Ascending the rusty stairs, V thought he could hear movement, cocking his pistol just to be safe. At the top of the stairs there was a small corridor with about five doors coming off of it. Usually V would have started at the door closest to him but he saw light coming from the room at the end and a shadow move through it. Thinking that would be where at least some of the gang had to be, V crept forward. 

Kicking the door open, V scanned the room. There was a small bed, a broken sink, some old bookcases and junk swept into the corner. But that wasn’t what caught V’s attention, no. There standing in the middle of the room, with his gun aimed straight at V’s face, was a man that V thought he would never see again.

“I’ve been waiting for you babydoll.”

It was Rocky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re in for a wild ride in the next chapter guys. I don’t know if I’m ready!
> 
> P.s. Hiw do you write serious stories?? I have no clue and I hope I’m doing a good job!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This chapter contains rape so don’t read if you don’t want to read that**
> 
> I have never written anything like this before and I tried to keep it vague. It wasn’t easy but I hope it’s ok. Things get dark in this chapter but V will get help. 
> 
> Just remember folks, if you or anyone you know needs help to get through anything like this, there is always people who will help. 
> 
> I hope this chapter isn’t bad please tell me if it is and I’ll try and fix it!!!

This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. V had left. V was free. Why was Rocky here? Did he track him down? V had been so careful. But it seemed he wasn’t careful enough. 

“You can give me back my pistol too.” Rocky lowered his gun, holstering it. 

V was frozen in place. Why wasn’t he pulling the trigger? He could end this. Rocky was a monster and V didn’t mourn monsters. But V had loved Rocky. V had loved a monster. 

Rocky walked towards V, not phased by the gun aimed at him. He stopped when the barrel of V’s pistol be pressed against his chest. “You going to shoot me babydoll? After I saved your life? You’ve already done it once, want to try again?”

V’s hands were shaking, his vision was getting blurry. Was he crying? Why was V crying? He COULD pull the trigger. Rocky would be dead. But V couldn’t do it. Why couldn’t he do it? Rocky deserved it. Didn’t he? Maybe V was mistaken. Maybe Rocky wasn’t the monster. 

Before V could spiral too far down into his thoughts, Rocky slowly removed the gun from V’s grip. “Shh shh V, you’re safe now. I’m here now.” Rocky pulled V into a hug, running his hand through V’s short hair. “I never liked your hair short.”

Why wasn’t V moving? He felt confused. He should push Rocky away. But he returned the embrace. Rocky had loved him. No one else would ever love him, that’s what Rocky had said. V wouldn’t be lonely. How had Rocky found him?

“I sent that shard to your fat friend.” Was Rocky talking about Jackie? Why would Rocky send Jackie that shard? “I knew he wouldn’t take that job but you babydoll,” Rocky kept stroking V’s hair, “you are so predictable. I’ve had my boys watching you, just waiting for the right time to lure you out.” 

What was Rocky saying? Why would he trick V to get him out here? Why did V have all these questions?? 

“I just want you to be safe babydoll,” Rocky continued, all the while he kept playing with V’s hair holding him close. “You shouldn’t have run away though, you caused me trouble. Good men died because of you.”

V wasn’t sure what Rocky meant but he was falling for Rocky’s act. “I’m sorry,” V whispered so low he wasn’t sure Rocky could even hear. Why was he apologising? Rocky should apologise. He was the one who ruined V’s life. 

“You’re sorry?!” Rocky pushed V back so he was at arms length. “You’re fucking sorry.” V could see it now. The monster. “Why don’t you prove it then babydoll!” He pushed V to the ground. 

V tried to get back up but Rocky just knee’d him in the chest. “Fucking kneel.” V knew he should get out, but he couldn’t. V knew now. Rocky was bad. V didn’t love him. V didn’t want to be here. Rocky undid his belt, lowering his pants and briefs, exposing himself in front of V. “You always loved sucking cock, and now I hear you even do it in exchange for drugs.” Rocky grabbed V by the hair and pressed is face roughly against his hardening dick. V didn’t want this. V didn’t want to do this. “What a fucking joke, my own babydoll turned into a druggie! Show me you’re fucking sorry!”

Rocky forced himself into V’s mouth, making him gag with each movement. V knew this was bad, Rocky hadn’t done anything like this to him before. Sure, there had been times where V wasn’t exactly in the mood but he would still entertain Rocky. But this, V knew he didn’t want this. Rocky was rough and V couldn’t stop the tears that fell down his cheeks. Rocky just seemed to find this funny, thrusting harder. 

Rocky pulled out and V thought it was over. It wasn’t. Rocky finished on V’s face and V immediately spat out whatever got into his mouth. Not liking his reaction, Rocky grabbed V by the chin, meeting his gaze. “What is it babydoll? Don’t want to prove you’re sorry?” Rocky threw him onto the ground. “I saved your fucking life! You shot me! And you say you’re sorry with a shitty blowjob.” 

It was clear to V now, Rocky was unstable. Why did he have to come to Night City? V was having a good life, as good as he could have hoped for. Now Rocky was here, ruining everything. But V was stronger now, he could fight back. He watched as Rocky circled round the room, monologuing about how much he did for V and how V messed it all up. V’s pistol was a few feet away, he could reach it. Finally end this for good. End Rocky for good. 

He saw his chance, V quickly shuffled towards the pistol and got his hand around it when he knocked back. Rocky had seen him move and kicked V square in his face, breaking his nose. V stayed down this time, clutching his sore nose, this isn’t what he wanted. “You’re a fucking monster!” V spat out at Rocky. 

Rocky crouched down in front of V, holding the pistol. “I never liked this pistol y’know, I didn’t even know that you knew I had it.” Rocky was ignoring his statement. “To think you’ve made it this far with this piece of shit.” Rocky threw the pistol over his shoulder, adding it the pile of trash in the corner. V kept attempting to stand up but Rocky gripped his shoulder, hard enough to bruise. “You say I’m the monster V, but I was the one who kept a roof over your head. I made sure you had enough money. I wanted to give you an easy life, but you had to ruin everything. And now.” Rocky pushed V back hard and stood up. “Now you have to make it up to me.” 

V didn’t want to stay down anymore. He knew this was a bad situation. Jackie was right. Jackie was fucking right and now V had messed up the only good thing in his life. Jackie would know that V went on this stupid job even though he was told not to. Jackie wouldn’t want to work with him again. Jackie wouldn’t want to talk to him anymore. Jackie would finally be rid of the hinderance that was V. But V couldn’t sit here and let Rocky control him anymore. He tried standing once more.

A hard kick to his ribs, V knew that some would at least be fractured. “Just stay the fuck down!” Another hard kick, this time in his stomach, V wanted to throw up. Rocky kept kicking him. Why wasn’t V fighting back? He couldn’t. He wasn’t strong enough. He was never strong enough. 

Satisfied that V wasn’t going to attempt anything funny, Rocky moved onto the next part of his plan. Kneeling on the ground next to V’s shaking body, Rocky manhandled V’s body so he was laying on his stomach. Ignoring V’s weak protests, Rocky stripped V of his pants and underwear. “Rocky please.” V didn’t want this, but he couldn’t fight back. 

“Shut the fuck up! You belong to me, it seems you need to be reminded of that!” V screamed out when Rocky forced his way inside. V had never felt such pain. He wanted it to stop but he wasn’t strong enough. 

Rocky kept going though, spitting venomous words out at V, degrading him further. V didn’t like this. He thought of how far he had come. He was so close to buying that apartment. He was going to buy those new cyberware upgrades. He was taking less drugs. He was enjoying his life. Now it was all taken away from him. Every rough movement from Rocky made V wish he never came to Night City. Maybe things would have worked out.

V didn’t have to think about what he had and what he lost for too long though. Soon he was blacking out, whether it was from the increasing pain or the emotional overload, it didn’t matter. V couldn’t feel anything anymore. 

It was a few hours later when V woke up on the dirty bed. He was still in the same room as earlier. There was no light from outside though, the windows were boarded up, there was no way of knowing how much time had passed. V tried moving, but stopped abruptly when everything ached. No, not ache, everything hurt. V’s face hurt. His ribs and stomach hurt. His ass hurt. He moved a shaky hand down between his naked legs to assess the damage. It must be bad because it hurt so much. V bought his now soiled hand up so he could see, he saw red and white. 

It was too much for V. He felt the contents of his stomach shift. He was going to vomit. He quickly leant over the side of the bed and emptied his stomach. V sat back on the bed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. What was he going to do? Where was Rocky? He couldn’t leave, he was in too much pain. No one would look for him. What was Rocky planning to do?

Looking around the room, V could see his pistol still laying where Rocky threw it. Obviously Rocky felt that V wouldn’t use it against him. Rocky didn’t see V as a threat. But V had seen the fear in Rocky’s eyes when he pointed a pistol at him a couple of years ago. Rocky was a monster. But V had power over the monster before, he could do it again. If V was serious about getting out and finally ending Rocky, he would have to be patient. He would have to be strong. 

V crawled out of bed, fighting back tears and his body protested his movements. He had to push through this so he could be free again. Eventually, he retrieved his pistol. He made his way back to the bed, emptying the sodden pillow and placing his pistol inside. He would have to wait for the prefect time to shoot. Too soon and Rocky would overpower him again. V would have to earn Rocky’s trust, lull him into a false sense of security. It wasn’t going to be easy, but what other choice did V have? He wasn’t going to just lay back and take it anymore. He really didn’t want to die here. He had his new life to live. 

A few days past, at least by V’s judgement, and Rocky’s torture continued. V would continue to fade in and out of consciousness, sometimes he would wake up to emptiness, other times he would wake up with Rocky abusing his body. Rocky hadn’t provided food. Rocky did provide water though, V gulped it down, it didn’t taste right but he needed it. Escape was hopeless. V was weak. He didn’t know how to get out of this. His plan wouldn’t work. Rocky would degrade him. Rocky would cry to him, apologising for everything. Every time, Rocky would be drunk. 

V would often be left with his thoughts. He would think back to Sacramento, how his life would be different if he didn’t meet Rocky. He would be dead. He would have been shot down by those corrupt guards. Rocky DID save his life. But now, Rocky had effectively taken it away. Why didn’t Rocky just kill him? Why didn’t V just kill Rocky? He couldn’t answer that. He would accept his fate. He probably deserved it. 

V had tried to stay awake for as long as possible, but days without food and the constant throbbing of his body prevented that. V lost consciousness again, he needed to stay awake to finally get his own back on Rocky. Even if he wasn’t strong enough he still needed to at least try! He had lost that fight it seemed. V was disturbed though, he could hear shouting? There was loud bangs. Wake up V! He tried forcing himself to wake up, to sit up. His body wasn’t listening. 

The noises got louder. The door to his room was kicked open. He couldn’t open his eyes properly. Why couldn’t he open his eyes properly?! There was more shouting but it wasn’t just Rocky. There was another voice. A voice he recognised. V couldn’t understand what was being said. Was that? No, why would it be? Why was Jackie here? Hope bloomed in his chest. V gained enough strength to reach for his hidden pistol, it felt heavy. 

His vision was blurry but V tried to hold the pistol up. He couldn’t keep it steady. More shouting. Then there was none. V thought he heard gunshots but he wasn’t sure. Next thing he knew, V felt a heavy jacket being put over his shoulders. There was a voice talking to him, but what was it saying? He couldn’t decipher the words. The pistol was taken from V’s hands. His vision was blurry. Was this it? Is this V’s end? He wasn’t ready yet. Or maybe he was. If it meant the pain would stop. 

V was scooped up by strong arms. V felt safe. But maybe it was another trick by Rocky. Rocky had killed Jackie. That’s what had happened. V had ruined everything again. But V was wrong. V knew he was wrong when he heard his friend reassure him. “It’s ok ese! I got you now V, you’re safe.” Jackie had rescued him. Why? Where was Rocky?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so how was it? Did I do ok?
> 
> I’m glad it’s finally out of the way though, I want to start writing the happier parts of this fic.
> 
> Please leave a comment if you liked it. 
> 
> Yell at me if I messed up on tumblr @ Cyberpunk-thot


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this will all make sense. I think things will start to get better now, but things are going to get a little tough before they get better.

V woke up again in his own bed. Was it all in his head? Rocky couldn’t have found him in Night City. V was mistaken however, when he tried to move and pain shot through his body. Reminding him exactly of what had happened. Laying back on the pillows, V remained stationary trying to think where he went wrong. He found Rocky, they spoke...kind of. Rocky did things to V. Bad things. Shit, why did this have to happen? 

Leaning on his elbows, V looked down at his body, he had been bandaged up. There was clean white dressing wrapped around his torso and he was wearing clean underwear. He reached up and touched his nose, flinching slightly, V felt it had a dressing on it too. Did Jackie do this? Jackie was the one who saved him right? Jackie had seen what V had been trying to keep hidden. Jackie wouldn’t see V the same anymore. Jackie probably wouldn’t want to work with V again. It would be ok, V understood. V was nothing but a hinderance after all. 

The thoughts spun around in V’s head, he wanted to cry. So he did. Deep sobs shook his body. Why did Rocky have to find him? Why couldn’t he have just stayed in Sacramento? They could have both lived their lives separated. But Rocky couldn’t let V have his freedom. Rocky really was the monster that V had tried not to see for so long. And then he finally had. He realised too late. But V had heard gunshots in that warehouse, he was sure. Did Rocky shoot Jackie? Did Jackie shoot Rocky? Why? Jackie had nothing to gain from protecting V. 

It was getting too much. V was in pain, V could hear his thoughts too clearly. He scrambled for the box he kept under his bed, ignoring the protests from his body. He finally got a hold of the old shoebox and put it on top of the covers. Opening the lid, V’s face fell. No, where was it? V was sure he still had an inhaler in here. He always kept one spare. But it was missing. Did he use it and not remember? 

“You looking for this V?” Jackie was standing in the doorway holding the thing that V was looking for. V hadn’t even heard him come in. V felt panic, he didn’t want Jackie to know that he took drugs, Jackie would think less of him.  
Jackie could clearly see the distress on V’s face, “Hey hey V, it’s ok.” Jackie pulled a chair up beside the bed and took a seat. “You shouldn’t take this crap V.” 

Shame. V felt ashamed. Jackie was judging him. “We all deal with things our own way V but I got you something better.” Jackie didn’t sound disappointed, he didn’t sound condescending. Jackie was talking to V like he always did, maybe just a bit softer. Jackie pulled out a blue inhaler, “I got this from the doc, it’s good stuff but you can’t abuse this one.” He held it out to V, waiting patiently for him to accept it.

V looked at it, then he looked up at Jackie. Jackie was smiling at V, reassuring him. Why? V couldn’t understand it. Jackie was helping him. Jackie wasn’t judging V. V didn’t deserve a friend like Jackie. However it didn’t stop him from snatching the inhaler form Jackie’s palm. He inhaled deep, feeling the medicated air soothe him. Almost instantly he felt the pain ease in his body, he could breathe and it wouldn’t hurt. V wanted more, he tried to take a second puff but the inhaler was snatched out of his grip.

“One puff is all you need ese.” Jackie put the inhaler back into his pocket. “Trust me on this one ok?” Jackie went back to the bag and retrieved a couple of covered dishes. “I got you some lunch, you should probably try and eat something, doc said you hadn’t eaten for a few days.” Jackie put one of the dishes in front of V and handed him some cutlery before uncovering his own dish and digging in.

V looked down at what Jackie had given him, it looked homemade. Did Jackie make this? Why was Jackie being so kind to V? V didn’t deserve it. V looked at Jackie, then back down to his food. “Why...why did you come?” It came out as a whisper. 

Jackie stopped eating, he looked at V but V wasn’t looking at him. “V, just eat something and we can talk after.” He continued to watch as V pushed the food around. V didn’t feel like eating, he wanted answers. Why DID Jackie come to his rescue? Why was Jackie sitting next to him? Why was Jackie still here? 

As V was still playing with his food, Jackie resumed eating. V looked at him properly for the first time since waking up. Jackie had a few stitches on his cheek, and wasn’t he using the wrong hand to eat with? V looked at his right arm, the one Jackie usually used to eat, and saw there was something bulky under his shirt. Was Jackie shot? Did Jackie get hurt? Did Jackie get hurt because of V? 

“I’m sorry,” V spoke softly, still not able to make eye contact with his saviour. 

“For what?” Jackie kept eating. 

“You were right, about that job, you got hurt.” V was trying so hard not to cry. He didn’t want Jackie to see him cry. 

“Ok,” Jackie put his now empty dish on the floor, followed by V’s full one. Jackie sat back in his chair crossing his arms, looking straight at V. But he didn’t continue.

After sitting there for a few minutes in silence, V looked at Jackie, only to be met with Jackie’s concerned face. Snapping his head away, V continued to stare at the covers. “You’ve been through some shit V. You ain’t got nothing to be sorry for.” 

“But-“

“But nothing ok? You didn’t know what was waiting for you there. I should have just come with you.” Was...was Jackie blaming himself? No. V didn’t like that. 

“It was my fault.” V would take responsibility. “I’m sorry Jackie.” V could feel tears fall down his cheeks.

“Hey V it’s ok.” Jackie uncrossed his arms, resting them on his knees. “That guy was messed up, he needed to be put down. But he’s gone now, you’re safe now.” Jackie was trying to reassure V. V knew this but he couldn’t quite accept it. Just why would Jackie be so nice to V? What was there to gain? V hoped Jackie didn’t see what Rocky had done to him, but it would be pretty obvious. V just hoped Jackie would forget what he saw. 

If V was remembering correctly he also heard shouting before he passed out. Shouting between Jackie and Rocky. What were they saying? What had Rocky said to Jackie? V wanted to know. Hopefully Rocky didn’t tell Jackie about their relationship. Jackie would probably call V stupid for not trying to escape sooner. But Jackie was still here. Still talking to V. Rocky wasn’t here. Rocky was dead. 

“Rocky is dead?” V whispered, “he’s dead.” V couldn’t quite believe it. That’s what Jackie had said. It took a moment for the words to settle in V’s mind. 

“He ain’t gonna hurt you no more!” The words bought back bad memories for V. They were eerily similar to what Rocky had said to him the night he ran away. But he didn’t fear Jackie, not like he had feared Rocky. Rocky’s words were harsh, violent. Jackie’s words were reassuring, caring. 

V looked at Jackie. Jackie wasn’t mad, he looked calm, neutral. V wiped the tears from his face, having calmed down a bit. Rocky was actually dead. V didn’t know how to feel about that. He had loved Rocky. Now Rocky was dead. That part of his life was over. “Rocky...he...” Why was V finding it hard to form a sentence?

“Hey V, you don’t have to explain anything.” 

“He was lying, whatever he said!” V didn’t want Jackie to know about his past. That wasn’t who he was anymore. “He didn’t do anything. I deser-!”

“Enough V!” Jackie held his hand up and stopped V from talking. “You clearly don’t want to talk about this and that’s ok. I’m here now. You can tell me when you’re ready.” Jackie stood up and pushed the chair back to its original place. He picked up the dishes and left them on the kitchen counter for later. “You don’t have to worry about him coming after you anymore. I...have some jobs to do,” Jackie rubbed the back of his neck like he was debating with himself whether he should leave or not. “V, everything will get better. I’ll be back this evening with some food and some more meds.” 

V couldn’t look at Jackie, he had made his friend mad. Jackie was trying to help and V had messed up. “Jackie-“

“V, you’ve been through a lot, try and get some rest. I’ll see you in a couple of hours.” Jackie left then. Leaving V alone once more. 

Wiping his eyes one last time, V looked around his room. It was how he had left it, but it looked cleaner. Had Jackie done this? Why? What had V done to have a friend like Jackie? Jackie really was kind, but V couldn’t even tell him the truth. But V would overcome this hurdle. He would be strong. V had to be strong. 

V swung his legs round the side of the bed, knocking the bag that Jackie had left. Leaning down to pick it up made V’s ribs hurt, but he picked it up and emptied it onto the covers. Jackie had also bought V some more supplies it seemed. Two cans of NiCola and a candy bar. Jackie had bought these for V. He didn’t have to but he did. V felt his heart warm at the thought. Jackie really was kind. 

Putting the items back into the bag, V moved to stand but he had no strength in his legs. That wasn’t all, his back hurt, his ass hurt, everything hurt. The pain wasn’t as bad as it had been, the medical inhaler had helped. Standing once more, V managed to stay upright. Feeling a small sense of accomplishment, V made his way to the small bathroom.

Stopping in front of the mirror, V reluctantly looked at his reflection. He didn’t like what he saw. Starting with his face, his eyes were dark and bruised, his nose was bandaged up and his lip was split but held together with a few stitches. His neck also had dark bruises, he didn’t really remember what had caused them but he could take a guess. Running his hands down his chest, over the clean dressings there, V felt his stomach. He had lost weight, not a lot but enough to be noticeable. The rest of his body had minor cuts and bruises, some with bandaids and some without. The last place V decided he should assess was the place he didn’t want to look at. He removed his underwear. Everything looked ok, but he reached down and gingerly felt his hole. Hissing at the touch, V knew it was bad. That would take a while to heal. No one would ever want to spend the night with him again.

He really looked a mess. Rocky had done all of this. Rocky has made sure that no one else would ever want him. Rocky quite frequently told V that he would be the only one to love him. V believed him and V had never believed him more looking at his reflection. He looked like he did before he made it to Night City. Broken and unhappy. But he had changed that in the past, he had worked hard and made a good life for himself. 

Rocky had taken all of that away. But Rocky wasn’t here anymore. He had no more control over V. V would work hard and he could get his life back. He just needed to get over this quickly. Push it all to the back of his mind. Why had Jackie taken his drugs away? They helped V calm down! V would have to settle for the next best thing. He slowly made his way back to his bed, sitting down with his back against the wall. 

Switching on the radio, V reached back into the old shoebox. He retrieved a cigarette and lighter. Lighting up the end V inhaled the smoke deeply, holding it in his lungs before exhaling. Watching as the smoke dispersed in the small room, V felt his nerves calm down. He could work through this. He would apologise to Jackie and thank him for what he’s done so far. But Jackie would be better of without having to worry about V. It would be for the best. 

A few hours later, V was lounging on bed, mindlessly watching some sport on the TV. Jackie came back as promised and he was carrying a stack of pizza boxes. Fumbling around, Jackie put the boxes onto the table and removed his jacket. “I forgot what was your favourite so I bought a few to choose from, hope that’s ok ese.” He dragged a chair back over to the side of V’s bed and then dragged the table closer. Happy with the set up, Jackie sat back and opened the first box. “How do you feel about pepperoni?”

V watched Jackie throughout and smiled as Jackie managed to move his furniture effortlessly. Despite V’s inner turmoil, he ultimately felt happy that Jackie came back. “Pepperoni is cool.” V sat cross legged near the edge of the bed, reaching for a slice.

“You seem to be a bit better now, V.” Jackie looked concerned.

V didn’t like making Jackie worry, so he lied a little. “I’m ok. Those meds helped. Thank you.” Jackie looked at the full ash tray on V’s bed and looked back at V, but he didn’t say anything. V went to take a bite of pizza but stopped when the smell made his stomach turn. 

“V, don’t force yourself.” Jackie looked at V, concerned again. 

Not liking the look on Jackie’s face, V did force himself to take a bite. It wasn’t bad, just an average pizza that was still hot. Swallowing thickly, V felt it settle in his stomach. It was the first thing he had eaten for a while and it felt weird. But it stayed down so V ate some more. 

Seemingly satisfied with the fact V was eating something, Jackie resumed his own eating. They both sat there in relative silence, watching the TV together. Managing to eat most of his pizza, V really did feel better. It helped that he couldn’t remember a lot of his ordeal but that would be ok. 

The evening continued in relative peace. It was nice, V thought. Having Jackie around was nice. “Thank you Jackie.” He couldn’t say it enough, Jackie needed to know. 

“Enough of that V,” Jackie waved him off, not needing his friends thanks.

“I mean it though, no one else would have come.” It was the truth.

“V,” Jackie released a deep sigh, “we’re partners, I wasn’t exactly planning on getting rid of you just yet.” He let out a nervous chuckle.

V just stared at him. They were partners. That’s what Jackie had said. V felt genuinely happy at that statement. He hadn’t felt genuine happiness in a long long time. But V wasn’t used to this feeling, he just had to ruin it. “I’m just a hinderance though, you didn’t need to get me.” He’d said it. Why did he say it?

“Dammit V, if you were really a hinderance would I have gotten you out of there? You need to give yourself more credit ese.” Jackie looked at V waiting for a response.

Jackie seemed a little mad at V’s self degradation but he couldn’t help it. Jackie had been the first person to treat V so kindly and V didn’t know how to cope with it. He wanted to make Jackie proud and the first step would be to listen to his words, not just hear them. “Ok, I’m sorry. Thank you for the pizza.”

Jackie rubbed his jaw, clearly not liking that V had apologised again, but thought it best to move on. “Don’t sweat it ese, just know that when you’re back on your feet you owe me a drink.”

“Deal,” V winked at Jackie, he preferred this side of things. 

“You uh,” Jackie rubbed the back of his neck again, V noticed that he did this when he was nervous or unsure. It don’t happen often but V was glad that he could read his friends tells. “You want me to stay here tonight? Y’know, just to make sure you’re ok?”

V’s eyes widened, he wasn’t expecting that. That was incredibly thoughtful of him. V considered for a moment, he really would like him to stay, but where would he sleep? Did Jackie really want to stay? Was he just saying it to keep V happy? “You don’t have to, I’m a big boy now, I can look after myself.” That will be ok, V could survive the night on his own. 

“Really V, I don’t mind,” Jackie looked at V.

“I’ll be ok,” V forced a smile, “you don’t need to worry about me.”

Jackie looked at V like he didn’t really believe what he was saying, but Jackie didn’t want to push V. “Ok ese.” He stood up, “call me if anything happens ok? I mean it. You need anything, let me know. Hell, you need help to take a piss you call. Don’t hurt yourself.”

V laughed, genuinely laughed. “I’ll be ok Jackie really! You can brink me pancakes in the morning though. And don’t forget those meds either! They really did the trick.” V winked up at his friend again. He would be ok for the night. V would forget this whole ordeal, ignore its existence. It probably wasn’t the best plan but it meant that V could move on. Jackie and his friendship would go back to norma and they could forget this had happened. That was V’s plan. He just had to make it through the night and make a quick recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! I need the attention. But honestly I do want to know what you think.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So these chapters are getting longer and longer. But this is the most I have written ever! I like this story quite a bit and I hope you guys do too.

That night, V was glad that Jackie didn’t stay. He was glad that Jackie didn’t have to see V kick and scream in the night. The time spent with Rocky affected V more than he thought. No matter how much V tried to suppress the heinous acts during the day, at night his mind reminded him of every last detail. V didn’t tell Jackie though. The two would spend the day together, Jackie would bring him breakfast and dinner. On occasion he would bring lunch, but Jackie still had his life to live, but he was doing everything he could for V.

V would look forward to Jackie’s arrival. Jackie really was a good friend. They didn’t talk about what happened. Jackie had tried to get V to open up but V would just change the subject or pretend he hadn’t heard the question. Maybe it would be good for V to talk about it, let it all out so he would have room to recover from it. But V didn’t want to burden Jackie anymore than he already had. Jackie didn’t need that emotional baggage, V would be ok. 

It had been sixteen days since V woke up safe in his apartment and sixteen nights of horrible nightmares. Despite this though, V’s body had healed enough for him to leave his apartment. He was still recovering from the more major injuries, his nose was still bandaged up as were his ribs and he couldn’t sit down without it stinging. Regardless, V was starting to suffer cabin fever being kept inside for so long, he wanted to feel some ‘fresh’ air. So V would venture outside, but only under the watchful eye of his friend. Jackie would accompany him at all times, V would call him out that he was being too overprotective, Jackie would just wave him off. V was just trying to cover he fact he was ecstatic that Jackie was still by his side. 

They didn’t go on jobs, V wasn’t ready for that yet, they would visit the shopping malls and markets. V enjoyed the trips with Jackie, but he would have liked to explore on his own, he wanted to get a hold of one of those medical inhalers. Jackie restricted V’s useage and he respected that, but V wanted the nightmares to stop. 

One day, Jackie had a job to complete so V ventured out on his own. He knew where to go, the usual guy he saw had what he wanted. Fortunately V had the funds to buy the meds, he wouldn’t have to degrade himself further, he wasn’t sure he was ready for that. On the way home V walked past a stall and saw something he hadn’t thought about for a long time. There was a beat up acoustic guitar for sale. V stopped in his tracks. He really did enjoy playing before his life spiralled downward. But Rocky had happened. He was gone now. Maybe V should buy it? He had the money for it. Why shouldn’t he? 

Arriving home V forgot about the medical inhaler, chucking it onto the covers, far too excited to assess his recent purchase. Even though this guitar was pretty beat up, it was still better than the one he had before. It really brought back memories. Both good and bad. V sat on the edge of the bed and held the guitar close. He gave the strings an experimental strum. It was horribly out of tune but V remembered how it should sound. 

Over the next couple of minutes, the uncoordinated sounds changed into a sweet melody. This was good, V felt better already, he was so focused on the music that he didn’t have room to think of anything else. V sat there for the next hour, trying to remember the old tunes he used to play. He had remembered that one Johnny Silverhand song that he heard so long ago that made him want to play in the first place. So much had happened over the recent years that the words had escaped him, but he knew the tune and he started to hum along.

Losing himself in the music he was creating, V didn’t hear Jackie enter, “I didn’t know you could play ese.” He sounded pleasantly surprised.

V’s head snapped towards his friend and he felt like a deer caught in headlights. This was it. Jackie would say he was wasting his time. Why wasn’t V doing something more productive? The cycle would repeat itself. V hid the guitar behind his back but Jackie had already seen.

“You’re pretty good.” Jackie didn’t seem to read V’s expression, he was too busy sorting out the food he had brought along. “I got us some burgers for tonight.” He handed a bag to V who quietly accepted it. Jackie dragged his usual chair over to V’s bedside before opening his own bag.

Jackie didn’t think V’s music was useless. Jackie had complimented his playing. V opened his burger bag and tucked in. Jackie had turned the TV on and was watching the latest boxing match, gesturing wildly at the sportsmen when they messed up. V sat there eating his burger while silently watching Jackie. Maybe V could show Jackie some of his original music, but V couldn’t remember any of his original songs. V could write new ones. He could write a song for Jackie. No, that would be too much. Jackie wouldn’t like that. 

Once the burgers were finished, V gathered the trash and resumed his seat on the bed. Jackie continued to watch the match. V continued to watch Jackie. Maybe V should ask Jackie about the music, just to be sure. “You don’t think it’s a waste of time?” His voice was small.

“What? The boxing?” Jackie gestured towards the TV, unsure what V was referring to.

“The guitar.” 

“No, why would I?” Jackie turned to face his friend.

V shrugged.

Jackie looked at V for a few seconds. V felt slightly uncomfortable under his gaze, Jackie could read V a little TOO well for V’s taste. “Hmm, well. I don’t think anything you like doing would be a waste of time V.”

V looked away. Something inside of V was telling him that Jackie knew though. Jackie knew what had happened before. But how could he, V was overthinking again.

“Maybe you can show me sometime.” Jackie was smiling at him. Jackie was being supportive. V felt a little relief.

“Maybe.” V felt a little shy knowing that Jackie would like to hear him play, but he was happy that Jackie hadn’t thought it was stupid.

The conversation moved onto more general topics, Jackie was telling V about the job he ran that day. It sounded fun, V wanted to get back to work, just a few more weeks. 

After a while, V’s body was demanding sleep. He fought it off. He really should wash before bed though. “Hey Jack, I’m just gonna wash then I’m hitting the sack.”

“Sure thing V, you need any help?” Jackie said, always willing to help.

“Nah, I should be fine, things are starting to hurt less anyway.” It was true, the physical pain was bearable now. 

“Hmm.” Jackie looked at V closely, “I think we should change your bandages though, it’s been a couple of days.” The doc had changed V’s bandages the first time, but he was a busy man so Jackie had taken it upon himself to keep V patched up. The first time Jackie did it, it had been a bit awkward but remained professional. The only issue is that V found it incredibly intimate, V had to put a lot of trust into Jackie and that wasn’t easy for him. Jackie didn’t deserve V’s lack of trust. It was more that V had his trust broken by someone before and didn’t want to feel that way again.

“You go wash up first, we’ll do it after. Remember to try and not get them wet.” Jackie went over to V’s cabinet to retrieve the medical box. 

Taking this as his cue to leave, V went to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror as the sink was filling with warm water. The bruises had mostly healed, just a few cuts and scratches remained, and a scar on his lip. But V had continued to eat properly, thanks to Jackie, and he was starting to look like his old self. His hair was getting a little long but V would get it cut when he was fully healed. The only issue really was the dark circles under his eyes. V didn’t want to sleep for fear of the nightmares, but he could only stay awake for so long, eventually he would just pass out. It was one way of dealing with it. A bad way of dealing with it.

Once the sink was filled, V stripped down. The majority of bruises had healed, just the mottled marks that still bloomed from under the bandages on his chest. Broken ribs sure were a bitch, he was lucky they hadn’t punctured a lung. He took a washcloth and used it to clean all the areas not covered in dressing. Once everywhere was clean, V had to clean the area he dreaded most. His ass was still fucking sore but it was definitely better than it was. Every time he touched it or sat down he was reminded of Rocky and he hated it. V hoped once he was fully healed the reminder would be forgotten. He cleaned himself quickly, not dwelling on the dark memories too long. 

Satisfied that he was clean again, V dressed into some clean PJs and made his way back into the living space. Jackie was standing facing the bed, his back to V. 

“V, what is this?” Jackie sounded annoyed.

V didn’t answer, he wasn’t sure what his friend was talking about. 

Jackie turned around, holding the medical inhaler that V had bought illegally. Crap, he had forgotten all about that, too distracted by the guitar. 

“That’s um, I didn’t...” V trailed off. He hadn’t used any, he was going to take an extra puff before bed to see if the nightmares would stop but he couldn’t tell Jackie that. 

Jackie sighed. “V,” Jackie sounded like he was getting mad. “Have you been abusing the meds? After I told you it’s dangerous?” He wasn’t mad, he sounded disappointed. 

“No!” For once V really hadn’t, he had effectively gone cold turkey since he’d been bedridden a couple weeks ago. “No,” he said again quieter.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Jackie pulled another chair out, putting in front of his own. 

V couldn’t meet Jackie’s gaze but he did sit down, hunched over, leaning forward on his knees. Jackie took a seat opposite him, leaning back. 

“I didn’t take any,” V looked up at Jackie, he had a neutral expression. “I...uh...” This was harder than V thought it would be, but Jackie had done so much for V, the least V could do was give him an explanation. “The nightmares won’t stop, I thought...I thought it might make them stop.” Saying it out loud made V realise it was a stupid idea, “I just wanted them to stop.” V hung his head low, he felt so ashamed, so stupid.

“V,” Jackie let out a long breath. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner.” Jackie wasn’t mad, he just wanted to help. “This inhaler won’t help with that V, it’s just a painkiller.” Jackie leant forward placing a reassuring hand onto V’s shoulder. “We can get through this, I’ll call the doc and ask him for some sleeping meds or something.”

V looked sideways at Jackie’s hand, why did he have to be so kind, so understanding. It made V’s heart swell, he didn’t know how to accept this. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey now V, what did I say about apologising?” Jackie gave V’s shoulder a final pat and stood up. “It’ll be ok V. Let’s get those bandages changed huh.” He walked back over to the counter and brought over a bowl of clean water, a washcloth and the medical supplies. “I’ll stay here tonight. Now let’s get you cleaned up.” 

Jackie was going to stay? V didn’t want Jackie to see him at his worst again. “You don’t need to do that! I’ll be fine.”

His friend just looked at him, “Sure, well then I’ll just have to make certain of that then won’t I? Now come here, let’s get that nose fixed, eh?”

V knew that Jackie was going to stay no matter what V said so he reluctantly accepted it. Leaning towards Jackie, V took a deep breath, “thank you-“

“Don’t sweat it,” Jackie gently removed the slightly bloody bandage from V’s nose, the cuts kept reopening because V must keep knocking it in his sleep. But Jackie was confident the internal damage was mostly healed, that was good.

“No.” V looked at Jackie directly, “I mean it, thanks for not, y’know, not getting mad about that inhaler.” V meant it, he wanted to keep this friendship with Jackie. That meant he had to trust Jackie and V wanted to, so he would, he would try his best to build trust with someone again.

Jackie wet the washcloth and carefully cleaned V’s broken nose, trying not to cause his friend pain. “I don’t need your thanks V. There was nothing to get mad over. I know you are trying to cope but drugs aren’t the answer ok?” Jackie dried of the area he had just cleaned. “You can talk to me y’know. I’ll help however I can but I’ve lost some good friends because they abused drugs, I don’t want that to happen to you.”

V really couldn’t stop the tears that fell, what had he done to deserve a friend like Jackie? What had Jackie been through? A look of sadness crossed his face but it was quickly replaced with a look of concern. V opened his mouth to speak, “I-“

“If you’re gonna say you’re sorry again I’m gonna make you do this yourself.”

“I wasn’t. I just...thanks Jack.”

“Hah,” Jackie didn’t think V’s nose needed the excessive dressings it had on it before, the damage was cosmetic at this point. He placed a decorated bandaid on the bridge of V’s nose. “You shouldn’t keep everything bottled up, it isn’t healthy. You can unload all that emotional crap on me, it’s my duty as your friend after all.” Jackie was smiling, trying to cheer V up.

It worked, V did feel better, just telling Jackie about the nightmares had lifted a small weight of V’s chest. “Some other time maybe.” He wasn’t quite ready to tell Jackie everything yet, but with time, maybe he could. V looked down, gingerly touching his nose to feel the damage. His nose was broken the first day of his ordeal and it had set just enough before his rescue that it would be crooked. V thought that would be kinda cool, trying to be positive. He used to think broken noses were kind of hot before, now he had one.

“Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.” Jackie gestured for V to remove his shirt so they could deal with the chest bandages. V removed his shirt with a wince. “Still hurtin huh V? Doc said it’ll be another three weeks before your ribs are fully healed.” Cutting the bandages from V’s chest, “it’ll probably be best not to wear these anymore. You been doing your breathing exercises?”

V looked down at his chest, “yeah, it’s getting easier.”

“Good to hear.” Jackie used the washcloth to clean the newly exposed area. He was gentle with his movements which V was grateful for. Drying the area, Jackie then reached for the medicated cream. “This is the new cream from the doc, said it’ll help with the remaining pain.”

“I can do that!” V didn’t need to have Jackie apply it, that was too much to ask. 

“V por favor, you don’t need to be embarrassed.” Jackie started applying the cream, extremely professionally.

The cream was cold on V’s skin that was heating up. V wasn’t embarrassed. He just didn’t need someone effectively caressing his chest, not now that the pain had mostly gone. A blush crept onto his cheeks.

Chuckling, Jackie finished his treatment. “There you go V. You can get dressed again.” Jackie turned away to gather all the discarded bandages and supplies. He hesitated with the medicated cream still in his hands, “You uh, you want to put some, y’know?” Jackie looked kind of embarrassed now. Why? Oh. OH. Jackie knew what had happened. V felt a new wave of shame wash over him. He didn’t want Jackie to know. He felt fresh tears falling down his cheeks.

“V, I uh...” Jackie felt like he had crossed a line but he just wanted to make sure V healed up without infection or any complications. He put the tube into V’s hand. “Nothing needs to be said V. This just, it stops infections yeah? You should use it, I’ll just-“ Jackie was now avoiding V’s gaze, “I’ll see if the doc has those sleeping meds and I’ll come back.” With that, Jackie put his jacket on and left the apartment feeling embarrassed.

Looking down at the tube of cream, V knew Jackie was just looking out for him. Jackie was a good friend. But a part of V was telling him that Jackie thought less of him because of what Rocky had done. The newer side of V though, the more hopeful side, was telling him that Jackie didn’t think less of him. Jackie was trying to build V back up again. V wouldn’t let him friend down again, he went into the bathroom once more. Removing his underwear he applied the cream to his torn ass. It stung a little bit, after a while the medication started to take effect. It felt better. Jackie was only just trying to help. He would heal up in no time.

Once V was all finished, he walked back into the living area feeling a little better. If Jackie really was serious about staying the night then V would have to find a place for him to sleep. He wasn’t about to make his friend sleep on a dining chair or the floor. His old couch was a bit small for such a tall man, but it would be the best option. V cleared the trash and the retrieved a spare blanket and pillow. It would be ok. Jackie staying, he wouldn’t judge V. Maybe he will actually have a good sleep. Especially if he got those sleeping meds.


	6. Chapter 6

V was skipping through the channels on TV when Jackie returned. 

“I got you some sleeping meds V.” Jackie went to the sink to get a glass of water. “Doc said it might take a few nights for them to do their thing so you’ll have to bear with it just a little longer.” He held out two small tablets and the glass of water for V to take. 

“Thanks.” V wanted them to work straight away, but what’s a couple more nights? He swallowed them and he felt a little better, just from the simple fact of taking some medicine. “You ok on the couch?” He gestured towards the makeshift bed for his friend.

“More than ok ese.” Jackie sat down on the old couch and let out a deep sigh. “Been quite some day huh V?” 

“You could say that.” 

“Tomorrow, I got somewhere I wanna take you. So rest up ese.” Jackie removed his shoes, making himself more comfortable. 

“Night,” V couldn’t force it back anymore, he laid down and let sleep take him.

V was having a dreamless sleep, that was until the nightmares started. Images of Rocky accompanied by his toxic words reminding V of how he meant nothing. He was worthless. The memories of Rocky forcing himself onto V. The feelings of rejection and inadequacy. It all stopped though when he heard a familiar voice. Jackie was calling to him, telling him to wake up, it was ok, he was safe now.

Waking abruptly with a shout, V was met with the worried face of his friend. Jackie was holding V’s shoulders, trying to stop him thrashing about. “It’s ok V, you’re safe here, it was just a nightmare, he isn’t here anymore.” 

Tears fell from V’s eyes. How did Jackie know what he was dreaming about? Why did he have to know? It was V’s mistakes that caused this, he should be the only one to deal with them. But Jackie wasn’t stupid, he could put two and two together. V didn’t want to keep showing weakness in front of Jackie. He wanted to stop crying but he couldn’t.

Jackie studied his friend’s face. The room was dark, but Jackie could see the tears, he could hear the sobs. Hesitating slightly, Jackie brought V close, bringing him into a hug. “It’s ok V.” Jackie soothed V, gently rubbing his back as V continued to cry.

This isn’t what V had wanted to happen. He had hoped that the meds would work, even though he knew they wouldn’t work the first night. He wanted to have a full night sleep. And now he had burdened his friend once more.

“You’re not a burden V.”

V didn’t even know he was talking, he was tired. Tired of feeling this way. He could feel his friends arms around him. He could hear Jackie’s words. Jackie was real. The Rocky in his nightmares was not. Jackie was here. V clung to his friend, grounding himself. Heavy sobs would shake V’s body, but Jackie was there to hold him, to reassure him. “Just let it all out V,” Jackie continued to rub his back. They both stayed that way for the rest of the night, V eventually crying himself back to sleep in Jackie’s arms. Jackie kept soothing V, offering words of comfort. 

When morning finally came, V woke up feeling groggy, he felt like shit. He wasn’t sure if he liked those meds or not. Sitting up, V first noticed that Jackie wasn’t on the couch. It didn’t take long to work out where he had ended up, the snoring gave him away. Jackie was sitting in his regular chair, pulled up to V’s bedside, leaning forward and resting his head on his arms. Why was he sleeping half on V’s bed? Surely he couldn’t be comfortable. 

Memories of last night slowly came back to V, he had nightmares again. He had woken up crying, screaming, but Jackie had been there. Jackie had held him as he cried. Jackie didn’t tell him to stop. Jackie helped him through it. V had felt safe. V wasn’t sure what that meant. He panicked slightly, feeling embarrassed that Jackie had to witness it. He tried to move from the bed but stopped when the sheets he was under were being pinned down by Jackie’s sleeping form. 

Feeling the bed move beneath him, Jackie woke up, stretching his arms out above his head, “buenos días V, how ya feeling?” He twisted his back, clearly affected by the awkward sleeping position, but he didn’t say anything. 

“I’m ok,” he looked down, not wanting to make eye contact.

Jackie rest a hand on V’s shoulder, V liked the weight of it. “You sure ese? You can tell me if you’re not.” Jackie looked at V patiently, giving him time to answer.

“Really, I’m...I...thanks for last night, I didn’t want you to see...” V’s voice trailed off at the end. Why did he say that? To V’s surprise he was finding it easier to tell Jackie things. He wasn’t used to this though. He wasn’t sure of what Jackie’s reaction would be.

“Anytime V.” Jackie squeezed V’s shoulder reassuringly before removing it. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but don’t think I’ll think any less of you for having nightmares V.” There it was. Jackie had just smashed one of V’s biggest fears. Jackie didn’t think less of V. He had said that. V smiled back at his friend. 

“You snore, y’know that?” V didn’t want to deal with that serious talk now, deflecting with humour. 

“Hey ese, don’t call a man out.” Jackie laughed as he stood up, twisting his back again until he felt it crack and ease the pain. “So, you feel up for something different today?”

V wasn’t sure what Jackie had planned but he would do anything if it meant that he could get out of this apartment. “Always Jack!” He threw the covers of off himself and got out of bed. His head still felt foggy but his body didn’t hurt so much.

After getting ready in the bathroom, V entered the living space and saw Jackie had put his boots and jacket back on, ready to leave. He was also holding the medical inhaler, “You want to take any painkillers before we go?” 

V considered it for a moment. He didn’t want to become dependant, that cream had helped a lot and V though he would try and go a day without it. He could always take a puff later if he needed it. “Nah, I think I’m good,” V shrugged on his own jacket.

“If you’re sure.” Jackie put the inhaler in his pocket. “Let’s head out then.”

They left the apartment and walked down to street level. Jackie started to walk towards the subway station, “you coming V?” 

Where were they going? It was kind of exciting. Instead of answering, V just jogged to catch up. “Where are we going?” Curiosity got the better of him. 

“Someplace I used to go to.” Bit if a vague answer. Jackie didn’t continue to elaborate though. V trust Jackie enough to know that it wouldn’t be anywhere dangerous. It felt good, to start trusting someone else again.

Continuing on to the subway station, they got onto one of the trains but it was a peak travelling time, the seats were all taken and the aisles were full. The two had to stand in the centre, holding onto the overhead rails. Jackie’s head nearly touched the ceiling and it made V smile. 

A few minutes in though, V could feel someone bump into him. Brushing it off as someone just losing their balance when the train moved, V didn’t think too much of it. But when it happened again and he felt a hand brush against his ass he knew it was intentional. V didn’t like it, he didn’t want to be touched there! He tried squirming away but space was limited. Jackie had noticed what was going on, placing a hand on the small of V’s back and guiding him towards the closed door. V was now standing between the closed door of the train and Jackie, “You ok V?” 

V gave a small nod. He was thankful for Jackie’s assistance and a little embarrassed. It had felt weird being touched by a stranger. It didn’t feel weird when Jackie had touched his back. V kinda liked the weight of Jackie’s hand on his back. It had felt safe. V was lost in his thoughts until he heard Jackie raise his voice slightly. 

“Back off!” He bit out, probably at the guy who assaulted V. It must have scared him off because Jackie turned back to face V. “Sorry V.” Jackie lowered his head. Why was Jackie apologising? He hadn’t done anything wrong.

“Jackie, I’m fine, thanks.” V pat Jackie on the chest. “I’m looking forward to where we’re going.”

“We’re almost there.” Jackie rubbed the back of his neck. Almost like he was nervous about taking V somewhere.

They continued their journey until they reached the docks. V hadn’t been here before, the huge ships were incredible. So much activity was going on, V hadn’t seen a fish market before, not one this big! Jackie chuckled at how excited V was getting and guided him towards the town.

As they walked through the residential areas, V was looking all over the place. They were still in Night City, just a less manic corner of it. V was paying attention to every little thing that he didn’t realise that Jackie had stopped walking and walked straight into his broad back. 

“We’re here V.” Jackie pointed to an old shop front, V couldn’t tell what they were selling but he trusted Jackie with this. They entered and an elderly woman behind a counter seemed to light up at their arrival. V watched as Jackie exchanged a few worlds with her in Spanish, she looked over at V and continued her conversation.

“V this way.” Jackie pointed V towards a back door. 

They walked into what looked like an old gym, mirrors lined the back wall. The opposite wall had floor to ceiling windows overlooking the docks, it was quite the view. V walked over to the window and looked out in amazement. The sea looked so vast. 

“Quite the view, huh V!” Jackie had come over to stand beside him. “I used to look out there all the time as a kid.” 

That caught V’s attention, he snapped his head to look at Jackie. He only chuckled at V’s reaction.

“What?” Jackie shrugged, “I didn’t always live in Watson.” Jackie moved back to the far wall, opening a cupboard.

V didn’t know much about Jackie’s past. He hadn’t really thought to ask. V didn’t like talking about his past so he didn’t try and talk to others about theirs. 

Jackie had removed his jacket and was now putting on a pair of punch mitts. Squaring up in the centre of the room, Jackie pat the mitts together, nodding over to a small pair of gloves. He called over to V, “c’mon V, punch me.” 

What? V walked over, opposite Jackie. “What?” He was confused to what he should do.

“Punch me, I can take it. Let it out.” Jackie looked kind of excited, he was trying to help V. “You don’t have to talk V, but keeping everything inside can get bad. Let it out now, channel it into your punches.”

It seemed so simple to hear Jackie explain it. But it couldn’t be that simple could it? Jackie had been so patient. Jackie had been so understanding. Jackie was offering him a way to work through his demons. Removing his jacket, V put the small gloves on and squared up in front of his friend.

“If you start to ache, we stop, I don’t want you hurting yourself.” Even before they began, Jackie was being a good friend.

“Ok, I’m ready.” V felt a little revved up. This would be good. He pulled back with his right hand and punched forward to hit Jackie’s left. He didn’t hit to hard, he could feel the strain in his chest, but it wasn’t bothersome. 

“That’s it V!” Jackie encouraged. 

V continued to throw punches, feeling some of the stress leave his mind. The more energy he put in the punches the better he felt. Jackie was right, keeping everything inside was taking its toll. This wasn’t going to instantly cure him, but it was a start. V started to picture Rocky’s face in the mitts, he started to hit harder, V felt better, picturing himself beating up the monster. But too soon Jackie was pulling back.

“V, I think that’s enough now huh? Don’t want to push yourself too much.” Jackie was worried V was getting too carried away.

Panting heavily, V stepped back. Jackie was right, his chest was starting to hurt. It was a good thing he had maintained his breathing exercises for the first few weeks. The adrenaline in his body slowly leaving him, V felt the ache and sat heavily on the floor. 

“You feel ok V?” Jackie had removed the mitts and sat next to V, handing him a cold bottle of water. “You were throwing some pretty heavy punches, I hope it helped.” 

V drank nearly the whole bottle, he hadn’t done this much physical exercise in weeks. It felt good. Sitting forward, V winced slightly.

“Does it hurt V? You want to use the inhaler?” Jackie put a hand on V’s shoulder, concern in his voice. 

“Nah, I’ll be fine. Thanks, for this.” V felt a lot better after that. Jackie really had some good ideas. “I liked this.” V looked over at Jackie.

“Good, I had hoped it would help. I used to come here when I needed to work through some stuff. Punching things helps.” Jackie looked away from V, out across the docks.

V continued to look at Jackie though, “that woman, is she...?” He didn’t know what to finish with.

“She’s the one who first encouraged me to do this. She was like a mother to most of us kids back in the day, more like an aunt really.” Jackie looked calm reminiscing. “Punching each other in a controlled environment was better than getting in street fights. That was what she believed. She was, still, is right.” Taking a drink from his own bottle, Jackie looked back at V and caught him staring. V looked away. “When you’re better healed, we can start sparring if you’d like. Get your strength back after all that bed rest.” 

V liked the sound of that. There were gyms and training rooms nearer his apartment for them to practice in but V liked that Jackie had shown him this place. Jackie had trusted V to tell him about his past. Soon, V considered retuning that trust. 

They continued to watch the docks through the window, the ships that would come and go. The conversation would be light hearted. V would forget about all his problems in the time he spent with Jackie. He wouldn’t think too much about the inevitable night and the nightmares. He would focus on what was happening right now and not of the what ifs. This was nice being with Jackie. He liked this.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I don’t like this chapter very much. I hope it makes sense.

Over the next few weeks, V had made great progress. The meds from the doc were helping him sleep at night, he wouldn’t suffer through the nightmares anymore but he still sometimes woke feeling groggy. He didn’t want to become dependant on them but he didn’t feel ready yet to stop. Jackie had been a great support. Slowly, V had started to trust Jackie more and more. He still didn’t want to talk about Rocky or the rape but he liked having Jackie by his side. 

V’s injuries were healed and that meant he could get back to work. The jobs he accompanied Jackie on were only the smaller, easier jobs. V couldn’t be too mad at Jackie though, he knew that he wasn’t ready to run around shooting people just yet. 

To help V gain his strength back, Jackie had started sparring with him. The duo would visit Jackie’s old neighbourhood and walk around the markets there before heading to the gym. The sparring sessions were good for V’s physical health, but also his mental health. V would continue to channel his inner turmoil into his punches and kicks, feeling ease as it left his body. Jackie could take what V was dishing out, deflecting the attacks. Jackie wouldn’t hit V too hard though, still concerned about him. But V would insist he could take it and he could, so Jackie started testing V on that.

A few times Jackie had managed to knock V to the floor, causing alarm to his large friend. V would play it up, holding a hand out for Jackie to help him up. Once Jackie’s hand was in reach, V would use Jackie’s lowered guard to overbalance him and throw him to the ground. Triumphantly standing over his fallen friend, V would gloat that he still had it. Jackie would just laugh and congratulate V, complimenting his quick thinking.

During one of their sparring sessions, V had attempted to throw Jackie to the ground using his sympathy technique. While trying to off-balance his large friend, he didn’t let go in time and Jackie had pulled him down with him. Jackie hit the mat hard on his back, followed by V landing on his chest. V recovered first, he planted his knees either side of Jackie’s torso and supported his weight on his arms. They were incredibly close like this, V could feel Jackie’s breath on his cheeks. He couldn’t help noticing the intimate position they had landed in. 

Quickly pushing away, V sprung to his feet, “I should really work on that huh?” He laughed nervously. V had felt something. He thought he wouldn’t want to deal with any of those emotions after everything but he thought wrong. 

Jackie slowly got up, rubbing the back of his head where he landed on it, “hah! I’d say I should work on not falling for your little act every time!” 

V could tell he was teasing, but that didn’t stop V from feeling flustered, “well maybe...maybe if you, y’know.” He shrugged not really knowing where he was going with that statement. 

Rising to his feet, Jackie stretched his back out. “Think it’s about time to head back.” 

“Sure,” V stretched his arms out, it had been a good sparring session until V had to make it weird. What was he thinking? Jackie didn’t see V that way. V needed to get this out of his system. Maybe it was time he tried getting some action at the bar. Maybe he shouldn’t. He wasn’t sure he was ready for that yet. “Hey Jack?”

Jackie had gathered their things getting ready to leave, “what’s up V?”

“Think we can go to Afterlife tonight?” Why was V asking permission? He didn’t want to go alone, he knew Jackie would be near if anything went wrong. He wanted to go out and drink like they used to. They hadn’t been out drinking for weeks and V was missing the high energy of the clubs. If he so happened to attract some guys attention, then he probably wouldn’t turn it down, needing to feel wanted again. 

“Tonight I’m on a job,” Jackie said as he ushered V out the room and locked up. “Tomorrow though,” he smiled at V.

“Sounds like a plan,” V gave Jackie a nod. V was a little disappointed though, he wanted to go tonight but Jackie was still his own person. 

The subway ride home was pretty uneventful, Jackie always made sure V stood between him and the door though, a habit he had picked up since their first ride out. V hadn’t noticed it before, but they always stood quite close to each other. If he wanted to he could lean onto Jackie’s chest and share his warmth. Jackie could put his strong arms around him, keep him safe. What was V picturing now? He needed to get these thoughts out his head. He needed to go drinking and sleep with a stranger to get it out of his system.

Back in Watson, the boys split up and went to their own apartments, V insisting that he was fine going on his own. The first thing V did when getting home was splash some cold water on his face. He needed to calm down. V could feel a shift in his feelings towards Jackie. He had always been drawn to the large man, but V knew that mixing work and play could get messy. Maybe he should ignore it, hopefully these feelings will pass. 

He thought back to try and think of when he first saw Jackie in a ‘more than friends’ way. Since V First saw Jackie at the Afterlife that first night years ago, V thought he was attractive, he had this air of confidence that V liked. However V knew then that he didn’t want a relationship, not mixing work and play was lesson he learnt the hard way with Rocky. It didn’t stop V reading into their current friendship though. When Jackie SAVED V from that dingy warehouse and he never once got mad about it. The way Jackie would help V work through his problems, even though V wanted to ignore them. The lingering looks and touches could just be V’s mind trying to be too hopeful. V wasn’t being fair to Jackie. He would have to move on from this infatuation. 

V looked at himself in the mirror. Maybe he should dye his hair again, mix things up, distract himself. He went to the stores and picked up the things he needed, but he passed a familiar face he didn’t really want to see. His old dealer approached V, telling him about his new stock. A new club drug, not super strong but enough for what V needed. Initially he refused, but his mind was getting clogged up with stupid thoughts. Before he could talk himself out of it, V paid the man for 3 tabs. 

Getting home V held them in his hand. What had he done? He didn’t really want to take them did he? But the thoughts of Jackie and the thoughts of Rocky kept coming back. No. V put them into the box under his bed. He didn’t need them. Going back to the task he originally set himself, V went back to his bathroom. Looking at the box of dye, he had chosen a deep pink, the lady in the store said it would go with his deep green eyes. 

Emerging from the bathroom a few minutes later, V felt better. He couldn’t wait to see if Jackie would notice, maybe he would compliment it. V tried rondo this to forget about his feelings for Jackie. Maybe he should take one of those tabs just to calm his nerves, the guy said they weren’t too strong. 

V crouched down beside his bed, retrieving the old shoebox. Opening the lid, V held up the little bag. Sure, Jackie had cut of his supply but V had had plenty of opportunities since then to start using again. But he hadn’t. Why hadn’t he? Was it because he didn’t want to disappoint Jackie? Jackie has helped V even more than he realised. V didn’t want to undo all of that. He smiled thinking about how much Jackie has actually helped him grow. Placing the small bag back into the box, V pushed it as far as he could underneath the bed. He would try and be better, for Jackie.

Continuing his day, V went through his wardrobe. Nothing like be prepared. If he was going to go out to the club for the first time in months then he wanted to look good. He wanted to get this sexual frustration out. After everything Rocky had said and done, V wasn’t about to let him win. What did Rocky know? He was the one who wasn’t good enough for V, not the other way round. The sooner he got to Afterlife the better.

The evening grew near and V took the sleeping meds. A few more days to sort out his feeling about Jackie and he would come off them. He was looking forward to getting some good natural sleep. 

Meeting back up at the Afterlife the following evening. Jackie and V stood at the bar waiting for their drinks. 

“Y’know ese, your hair is looking real good.” Jackie pointed to V’s hair, “I like it.”

V couldn’t refrain from blushing, “thanks, wanted a changed it up.” He shrugged. Tucking some strands behind his ear. He didn’t really know how to continue the conversation. The bartender gave them their drinks, saving V from his internal struggle. 

“Finally, I can just enjoy a fucking drink!” V downed his in a matter of seconds, ready to get wasted.

“Hah! You should still watch it though ese, don’t want it to mess with the meds.” Jackie said cautiously. Still looking out for his friend. 

“Ya don’t have to worry about me so much anymore Jack! Tonight, let’s enjoy ourselves!” V wanted to get wasted. He hadn’t really had any alcohol since his ordeal and he had a lot of catching up to do. He wanted to drink and just enjoy himself, not dwell too much on his feelings for Jackie. 

They moved to a booth nearby and resumed their conversation. Jackie talking about new gangs to look out for on the streets and what new cyberware he was planning to get. V just listened to his friend speak, watching him wave his hands about enthusiastically. Realising that he was probably staring, V downed the rest of his beer, looking for an excuse to leave. 

“Well, I’m all out,” he said, tipping his bottle upside down to emphasise his point, “I’m gonna go and get some more, you want one.” 

Jackie finished the rest of his beer, “if you’re the one buying!” 

“Sure, next rounds on you though!” V stood from the table and made his way towards the bar. The beer wasn’t strong but V hadn’t had any booze for a few months and his tolerance was lowered. He was already feeling a little buzzed but he needed more. 

While waiting for the bartender to bring him his drinks, V took in his surroundings. The club was busy tonight, lots of people looking to enjoy themselves or escape their problems with drink. V thought he fell into that second category, he hadn’t touched any drugs since Jackie’s interference. Even yesterday at his apartment when he could have gotten a quick high, he didn’t. He valued their friendship more than that. Getting drunk would be at least a little better than abusing drugs. Paying for the round, V took the two beers back to the booth. A small cheers and the drinking continued. 

A few rounds later and it was V’s turn to pay again. They had agreed to stick to beer, no spirits that could shock V’s system. But V wouldn’t admit to Jackie that he was feeling pretty damn wasted on just the beer. One more, and he would call it quits. Venturing back to the bar on wobbly legs, V placed his order. 

Another patron bumped into him, “You come here often cutie?” 

Someone was hitting on V, he had missed the attention, maybe this would be his chance. “Does it matter? I’m here now.” He winked, proud of himself for not slurring his words. Although he felt his pickup lines could use work, he had gotten rusty. 

“Yes you are,” the stranger purred looking V up and down. “Wanna party?” The stranger had a tab in his finger, in the last V would have taken it eagerly but now he hesitated. Jackie was waiting at the table.

“I don’t know,” V should probably get out of here.

“Shh,” the stranger put his finger on V’s lips. V didn’t really know what to do. His body yearnt though for the touch, but his mind was telling him he didn’t want it. Despite this though, he opened his mouth. The stranger put his other finger into V’s mouth, placing the tab on his tongue. V could feel it dissolve and it made his mind just that bit more foggier.

“You wanna get out of here?” The stranger said, putting his hand on V’s back and sliding it down. V felt strange, his cloudy mind was trying to tell him something but he couldn’t hear it. He had wanted this, to help him forget. When the strangers hand lowered to cup his ass though, V froze. He didn’t want this. That’s what his mind was saying. The strangers hands on him felt wrong, V didn’t want to mess around. He didn’t want this. He panicked, not sure how to stop this.

“Ok that’s enough.” Jackie pulled V away while pushing the stranger back. V stumbled into Jackie’s chest. He could feel his friend breathing and the rumble of his voice as he spoke to the stranger. “He doesn’t want to play tonight so find someone else!” Jackie could sound so intimidating when he wanted to be. But V had heard his soft, caring side. V liked the strong arm on his shoulder. It felt good.

“You ok V?” Jackie pushed V back a bit so he could talk to him. Still keeping a hand on his shoulder. 

V looked at Jackie. He looked really handsome under the club lights. He was so cool, saving V from that creep. V didn’t want to mess around with anyone. He wanted to mess around with Jackie. He wanted MORE with Jackie. “Jackie.” V was way too wasted for this. Now he was too high as well. His fuzzy mind thought it best to use actions instead of words. Before he could change his mind he pushed up and pecked Jackie on the lips.

Pushing V away gently, Jackie cleared his throat, “you’re drunk V, we should get you home.” 

V knew he had made a mistake. He started to cry. “Jackie I’m sorry. Jackie please. Please don’t hate me!” His words were rushed and slurred. The music in the club was so loud. His head was starting to hurt. 

Jackie kept an arm around V and guided him outside the club and stopped in a covered shop doorway. “Ok V, calm down. Drink this.” He handed V a bottle of water, he must have purchased it before leaving.

“Jackie I didn’t mean it Jackie.” V took the bottle with shaking hands but his emotions were getting the better of him. “Don’t hate m-“

“Enough V por favor.” Jackie took the bottle back, opening and holding V’s head, encouraging him to drink. So he did. “V you’re too drunk right now, we’ll get you home and you can sleep it off.”

“I didn’t mean to Jackie!” V’s tears wouldn’t stop coming. He had ruined everything between him and Jackie. He wasn’t good enough, just like he wasn’t good enough for Rocky. The alcohol and drugs in his system was causing his emotions to run haywire. Why couldn’t he do anything right? “That guy gave me something! I-!“ 

“V listen to me.” Jackie held both of V’s shoulders so they were looking at each other. There was no way that Jackie couldn’t tell V was high, his eyes were blown wide and he was shaking. This was a bad trip, V wanted it to stop. “You’ll be ok. Do you know what it was?”

V shook his head. Why did he accept it?

“Ok V. Calm down, it will be ok. We’ll get you home and you can sleep it off.” Jackie went to move them towards V’a building. “I’ll call the doc and he can make sure you’ll be ok.”

“Jack wait!” V clung to his friends shirt, keeping him in place. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to mess up. You’ve been so kind to me. No ones ever been so nice to me.” Fresh tears fell from his eyes, “I don’t deserve it.” He hung his head low. The alcohol was making his tongue loose, or maybe it was the drugs. There was no way he would be able to tell Jackie any of this sober, he had to tell him now. “You’ve been such a good friend, I don’t know how to repay you! I’ve never felt this way before.”

Jackie watched his friend closely. V was clearly not in control of what was coming out of his mouth and Jackie was sure he wouldn’t remember any of it in the morning. But V looked so distressed, he was clearly fearful that Jackie would reject him. Jackie knew V had a rough past with that guy in that warehouse. He knew what had happened IN that warehouse, but he wasn’t sure what had happened before then. 

“V ok, listen.” V looked up at his friend through blurry eyes. “I don’t hate you, I don’t think less of you. I consider you a good friend V.” Jackie bought V into a hug, holding him close, “I ain’t ever met anyone like you before, I told you, you got that fire inside you. I promise we will talk in the morning but now you need rest.” 

Feeling the arms of his friend around him helped to calm V down a bit. But his heart was pounding in his chest. He only wanted to get drunk and have fun but instead he had kissed his best friend and had a break down in front of him. This isn’t what he wanted. He had messed up AGAIN. Jackie had been kind though, reassuring V. 

Eventually they made it back to V’s apartment. V had continued to mumble about how he messed up but Jackie reassured him each time. Laying V down on his bed, Jackie removed his shoes, followed by his jacket. Jackie was being so nice to V. “Jackie?”

“Yeah V,” Jackie pulled the covers back and pretty much tucked his friend in.

“I’m sorry, you’re such a good friend.” V meant it. He needed Jackie to forgive him, to not hate him. Before he could hear Jackie’s reply he passed out. 

The sun came in through the blinds, causing V to rub his eyes and wake up. He laid still, adjusting to the rude awakening. V attempted to sit up but felt a heavy pounding in his head. Fuck, he doesn’t remember ever feeling so hungover. Looking down at himself he saw that he was still fully dressed, just his shoes and jacket had been removed. So that meant that he hadn’t bought anyone home, he really couldn’t remember much. Did he even take his sleeping meds?

Walking to the bathroom, V washed his face. He looked at himself in the mirror, no marks so that meant he really hadn’t gotten with anyone. But his pounding head was telling him that he had kissed someone, but who? V remembered now why he didn’t usually drink until he blacked out: he couldn’t remember jack shit. He went to leave the bathroom, but he felt his stomach grumble. Oh, V had somehow forgotten about that part of hangovers too. He ran to the toilet and threw up the contents of his stomach. Hangovers were not fun. Sitting by the toilet for a few more minutes just in case, V thought he probably shouldn’t get so wasted again. But hangovers never left him feeling this bad, or with no memory of the night prior.

Not liking that his clothes smelt of stale smoke and now slightly of sick, V stripped off. He thought it best to take a shower, it would clear his head and make him feel better. Stepping under the water, V could feel his muscles relax. His head was still killing him and he had this terrible feeling that something major happened last night. But what? Washing quickly and getting out, V felt a little better. He put a towel around his waist and looked at himself once again in the mirror, he really liked his new hair colour. 

Deciding that he had probably wouldn’t remember much, V resigned himself back into his living space. He would eat breakfast then call Jackie, maybe he could fill in some of the blanks. He didn’t really feel like eating, but he knew he probably should.

Upon entering the living space, V realised he wouldn’t need to call his friend. Jackie was sitting on the couch, limbs sprawled out and his head leaning on the back of the couch, snoring loudly. Why was Jackie here? V must have been so far gone that Jackie had walked him home. Jackie really was a good friend. But no matter how good a friend he was, that snoring had to stop. But V was only wearing a towel, he couldn’t let Jackie see him like this?! 

V walked over to his wardrobe, looking for some clean clothes but he realised that the snoring had stopped. Whipping his head around, he could see Jackie stretching, cracking his neck.

“V you alright?” V could hear the tiredness in his friend’s voice, Jackie had just woken up and he was still looking out for V.

“I’m uh, I’m just getting dressed,” V tried to hide behind his wardrobe door. It didn’t cover him fully, and he didn’t need to give Jackie an eyeful, even if a small part of him wanted to.

“You feeling ok V? Doc said you might be not remember much,” Jackie was leaning forward on his knees, rubbing his temples. He couldn’t be feeling that hungover, V thought, maybe that sleeping position wasn’t the best. “Just some party drug, nothing too serious.”

What? What was Jackie talking about? He didn’t want to cause more trouble for his friend so he just glossed over the fact he had taken something. “I’m fine, my head’s fucking killing me but I’m good,” V wasn’t lying. I

V listened for a response but one never came, instead he heard glasses clinking about, Jackie must be getting a drink.

Too interested in trying to hear of Jackie was going to reply and where he was currently in the apartment, V hadn’t made any progress with getting dressed. He rummaged around the garments trying to find something he liked. 

“I got some aspir-“ Jackie had rounded the corner and could now see V in nothing but his towel. V hadn’t noticed yet, he picked out a sweater he thought would do and stepped back.

“Jackie!” V held the sweater over his chest, trying to cover himself. He didn’t realise that Jackie was bringing him some aspirin for his headache, that was thoughtful. V couldn’t help but notice Jackie’s gaze on his body, V liked the attention from his friend but he was trying to forget those feelings. “Thanks for the meds, can you leave ‘me over there?” Nodding towards the side table.

Jackie cleared his throat, placing the tablets and the glass of water on the nearby side table. “V, uh,” Jackie rubbed the back of his neck, V didn’t usually see him lost for words, “I think we need to talk. Once you’re dressed, that is.” Jackie turned and made his way back to the living space, “actually, I’m gonna head out and get us some breakfast.”

V didn’t even get a chance to respond because he heard the front door open and close. Jackie had left. But he was only getting food for them, he’d be back. What was with Jackie though? He had looked at V almost like he liked what he saw. The thought of that made V blush. He was feeling confused, V obviously had developed a crush on Jackie, but if those feelings were returned? V wasn’t ready for that, was he? 

Shoving all those thoughts to the back of his mind, V quickly got dressed. Black pants and sweater. He took the tablets Jackie had left him. What was it that V and said to him? The doc got involved? Why? V didn’t remember taking anything last night. He wouldn’t. He crouched and dragged the box out from under his bed. He was just checking. There inside, was the exact same amount that V had put in there. He hadn’t taken any of his own. Pushing the box back under, V felt so confused. When did he take the drugs then? At the bar?

Pushing the thoughts away, V needed a distraction. V thought he should tidy a bit before Jackie returned, he attempted to make his bed but his headache stopped him. He just sat on the couch and lit up a cigarette.

About another ten minutes had passed when Jackie returned, two bags of greasy food in hand. V was resting on the couch, having found an old pair of sunglasses to protect his eyes from the offending sun. He stunned out the cigarette he was smoking as Jackie took a seat next to him. “What did you get?”

“Breakfast baps from that new place in the corner.” Jackie handed V a bag, “They say that to cure a hangover you need some greasy fuckin shit!”

V opened his bag, smelling its contents, “well, it’s definitely that.” He removed the bap from the bag, and took a bite. They ate in silence for a while but V needed to know, “what did you mean? Why was the doc here?”

Jackie lowered his food, cleared his throat and couldn’t quite look at V. “Ese, last night some guy gave you some party drug. You were drunk, I don’t think you knew what was really happening. Just.” Jackie looked at V, “I think we need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter for this fic where they talk it all out then we can move onto the next one where they can be happy.
> 
> Idk anymore.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this.

V wasn’t ready for this. But maybe that would be ok. The longer he held onto this, the worse it would get. It would be ok. Get it out in the open. This is what he needed. Probably. He removed his sunglasses, not wanting to be rude. 

“Did I do something wrong?” V had to make sure. 

Jackie leant back again, letting out a long sigh. “V, you haven’t done anything wrong.” He looked over at V who was avoiding eye contact. “Is everything ok V? Do...do you want to talk about it?”

V looked away fully, he knew this would happen eventually. He just thought Jackie would have left him behind before now. Why was he still here anyway? What did V even have to offer anymore? He was just causing Jackie hassle. So he would play dumb, ignoring the main problems. “I just wanted to get drunk, guess I took something in my fucked up state.” He shrugged, trying to play it off. 

“Hmm,” Jackie leant on his knees, looking sideways, trying to catch V’s eye. “Do you remember anything from last night?” 

“We got drinks.” V was being deliberately vague. He glanced over at Jackie and quickly looked away again. His friend was being way too intense. And silent. He could guess Jackie’s game, he was waiting him out. V squirmed a bit under Jackie’s gaze. Fine. This was happening now he supposed. Jackie hasn’t left him yet, why would he leave him now. What had happened last night to cause this? Tucking one leg up onto the couch, V twisted his body round so he was now facing Jackie. “I kissed someone.” 

Jackie was being awful quiet for V’s tastes. But he met V’s gaze, “remember who?” 

“Umm.” V did try and think, his headache wasn’t helping but he could remember something. He was drinking with Jackie, he got more drinks. “Some guy at the bar,” he was looking into the distance trying to remember while thinking out loud. “But it wasn’t him,” V touched his mouth, as if that would help him to remember. It jogged something, a strong arm around him, a deep voice. “It was you,” V realised what he had just said, instantly covering his face and looking away. 

“You’re remembering more than I thought you would,” Jackie let out an awkward chuckle. Leaning back. 

“Jackie! I didn’t mean to, Jack-!” V was panicking but he stopped talking when Jackie started talking. Tears were threatening to spill. 

“Ok V enough, calm down.” Jackie’s voice held authority but it wasn’t angry. “You were drunk and you’d been drugged. I’m just glad I was the one to bring you home instead of that creep.”

“Jackie,” tears started to fall down his cheeks, his attention was on Jackie. Jackie was looking straight at him. “Jack I, thanks.”

Jackie waved it off, “is there something you want to tell me V? You’ve been acting off recently.” 

This was it. “Err, well I...” He should just tell Jackie about his feelings. Jackie would reject him and they could both move on with their lives. He had to screw his eyes shut though, he didn’t want to see Jackie’s face when he told him. “IreallylikeyouJack.” The words tumbled out of his mouth so fast V wasn’t even sure he understood them.

After a few moments of silence, V slowly opened his eyes looking back at Jackie. Jackie’s expression was neutral. He had a damn good poker face and he was still looking at V. Considering that Jackie was still sitting there, V inched a little closer on the couch. “I like you Jackie.”

Jackie broke eye contact first, looking away and scratching his chin. “V, are you sure?”

“I’m sure. You’ve always been so kind to me and,” Jackie still wasn’t looking at V, why? “And you stuck around even though I’ve been nothing but a burden to you.” V had started now he couldn’t stop, “You didn’t have to give me a job that first time I met you but you did. You helped me to survive in Night City and I didn’t give anything back, but you never asked for anything back. Then Rocky...” V should stop talking, he had already said so much. But Jackie hadn’t left yet. “I thought he was going to kill me, I didn’t know what to do.” A heavy sob stopped his talking. 

He looked up at Jackie again, he looked almost worried for V. “V, you don’t have to-!” 

“I want to!” He needed to do this, he had put it off long enough. “Before, Rocky never did anything like that. He had changed so much, I didn’t recognise him, but I still let him touch me. I couldn’t shoot him. Then he...”

“It ok V.” Jackie put a hand on V’s knee that was on the couch. Not entirely sure how to comfort his friend right now. 

“You knew what he did huh? You were never mean to me about it.” A part of V always knew that Jackie knew, but he wanted to pretend that he didn’t. “I thought you would hate me. You told me not to go and I did. Rocky tortured me, he did things to me.” Tears kept flowing but the weight of his friend’s hand kept him grounded. “You saved me.” He hesitantly reaches a hand out to touch Jackie’s hand. It was warm. V turned his friend’s hand over and held it. “I didn’t deserve it but you did.”

“V, I wouldn’t have left you. You were never a burden,” Jackie held V’s hand, rubbing his thumb along V’s knuckles.

V looked at his lap, he couldn’t look at Jackie right now. “You saved me from him. I thought I had escaped him before, but he found me.”

“You’re safe now V.”

“You shot him right?” V looked at Jackie to see him nod, then he looked away again. “You did what I couldn’t. But I’m thankful that you did. When you brought me home I thought you would berate me, tell me it was my fault but you didn’t. You were kind. You didn’t force me to talk about it or anything like that. You gave me space and you had the patience of a fucking saint.” 

“V you’re my friend, I ain’t about to leave you to suffer now am I?” He tightened his grip on V’s hand. 

“And then there was the whole drug thing,” why couldn’t V stop talking? It felt good though. Like this massive weight was being lifted. “I’ve been taking them for years, they helped me deal with Rocky, before. Then when I got here I just kept taking them, they helped me to forget but I still remember everything. But you stopped that! I don’t even know why you did it really. I haven’t taken any since y’know? I didn’t want to disappoint you. You are the only good thing that I don’t want to lose.” V didn’t look directly at Jackie but he crept forward on the couch. 

“Hey V, you need to give yourself more credit. You ain’t as bad as you keep telling yourself. Ya think if I didn’t want you around I’d still be here. You gave me your friendship, you told me shit how it was. It’s hard to find a true friend in this shit hole. You’re the one who got us out of that Scav nest remember? I’ve had guys leave me for dead before, but not you.” Jackie grabbed V by the back of the neck and dragged him into a hug. V felt a little shocked at the sudden movement, but when he felt the arms of his friend around him he felt safe. “You don’t need to face this all alone anymore V.”

Hanging onto his friend V felt something within himself. Hearing his friend’s words has shattered most of what V had thought. He always assumed he was a burden. He was a hinderance. He didn’t have anything to offer. But Jackie had said the opposite. Jackie had called him a friend. Jackie had told him that he wasn’t worthless. Jackie was a good friend. 

“I guess somewhere along the way I got these feeling for you Jack. You never shouted at me. You never told me to be quiet. You liked my guitar!” V knew this would be the moment that Jackie would reject his feelings, they would just be friends. V would accept it, he would do anything to stay by Jackie’s side. “You don’t treat me like shit. I really like you Jack.” He had come full circle. He had told Jackie everything. 

Now he waited. Why wasn’t Jackie saying anything. Jackie had put a hand into V’s hair, holding him close. V could feel his chest rising and falling. His large friend was processing, as was V. “You could have anyone in this fucking City and you choose a guy like me, ha! What I do to deserve that huh.”

V didn’t understand, he pushed back a bit so he could ask Jackie face to face. Before he could respond though, Jackie put his hand under V’s chin, lifting his head so they were face to face.

“You don’t have to go through this alone anymore, bet you feel better for saying all of that right?” Jackie brought them together so their foreheads were touching. “I ain’t planning on going anywhere anytime soon ok ese?” 

V felt a new wave of tears hit him. This time they weren’t sad or distressed, they were happy. Jackie had accepted him. He didn’t leave. He didn’t reject V. How could V ever show Jackie just how much this meant to him. He pressed forward and gave Jackie a chaste kiss. Jackie didn’t pull away, just held V close.

“We take this slow though ok?” Jackie ran his hands through V’s pink hair. “We don’t rush this, I bet there’s still some shit we need to work through but we’ll get there. We don’t do anything you don’t want to, ok?” 

“Ok.” V knew he wanted to be with Jackie but he was right. After what Rocky had did, V didn’t know if he wanted to be intimate again but he wanted to with Jackie. Jackie would be by his side regardless and that was enough. 

V’s future was finally start to look a little brighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well folks we made it. I hope you enjoyed this fic. I’m working on the next fic if the series. 
> 
> As always please let me know what you thought of this. I hope it was ok, I’ve never written anything this long before so I’m pretty proud of myself.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like this so far, I’m trying to write something other than self indulgent smut so yeah, let me know how it’s going!
> 
> As always comments and kudos are cool
> 
> hmu @ cyberpunk-thot on tumblr


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